JOKES

WELCOME TO

 

  LUCIVILLE KENNELS.

 

 

 

 

THE TOP TWELVE THINGS YOUR DOG WOULD SAY IF IT COULD TALK.... 

12. “ But it SMELLS like food “                          6. “Smell? I don’t smell anything”

11. “ The cat did it “                                          5. “Think I could see a menu?”

10. “What say we all drive down to KFC? ”         4. “ FETCH THIS ! “

9. “ Tell me about this ‘heat’ thing ”                   3. “Next time, I pick the bitch ! “

8. “ Mind if I sit there? ”                                  2. “ This isn’t a mess, it’s Ambience”

7. “ You gonna eat all that? ”

And the number one thing your dog would say ……….

1. “ YOU’ RE GOING TO CUT OFF MY WHAT ??! ! “

______________________________________________________

 ABOUT CATS AND DOGS...

What is a Cat ?

  • cat do what they want

  • they rarely listen to you

  • They are totally unpredictable.

  • When you want to play, they want to be alone.

  • They expect you to cater to their every whim

  • They are moody

  • They leave hair everywhere

  • They drive you nuts and cost an arm and leg.

Conclusion : They are tiny woman in fur coats.

What is a Dog ?

  • Dog lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

  • They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don’t hear you when you are in the same room.

  • They growl when they are not happy.

  • When you want to play, they want to play.

  • When you want to be alone, they want to play.

  • They are great at begging.

  • They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

  • They leave their toys everywhere.

  • They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion : They are little men in fur coats.

____________________________________________________________________________

SNOOPY ‘S VERSION OF CREATION.. 

  • On the first day of creation, God created    the dog.
  • On the second day , God created man to  serve the dog.
  • On the third day, God created all animals of the earth (especially horses) to serve as potential food for the dog.
  • On the fourth day, God created toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
  • On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball  so that the dog can choose to play or not.
  • On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and man broke.
  • On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but  He had to walk the dog.

__________________________________________________________________________

COMPARISON BETWEEN DOGS AND WOMEN.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN ? 

  1. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

  2. Dogs understand that you are the master.

  3. Dogs love it when your friends come over.

  4. Dogs think you sing great.

  5. Dogs understand that farts are funny.

  6. Dogs are excited by rough play.

  7. Dogs get excited when you take out the leash.

  8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

  9. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

  10. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine’s Day.

  11. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

  12. It’s legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

  13. Dogs like it when you leave the toilet seat up.

  14. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice.

  15. You never have to wait for a dog 24 hours a day.

  16.  dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.

  17. A Dogs seldom outlive you.

WHY WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS.

  1. It is socially acceptable to have sexual realtions with a woman.

  2. Women look good in sweaters.

  3. Women leave the room to fart.

  4. Women know how to make popcorn and fetch useful things.

WHY DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE. 

  1. Both look stupid in hats.

  2. Both look good in fur coat.

  3. Both put too much value on kissing.

  4. Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

  5. Both tend to have hip problems.

  6. Both constantly want back rubs.

  7. Both are good in pretending they’re listening to every word.

  8. Neither understands football.

  9. Neither believes that silence is golden.

  10. Neither can balance a cheque book.

  11. You can neither tell when either of them is thinking.

______________________________________________________________________